Starting to realise only yesterday.... I have change.... alot... yesterday was my off day... bring lion and B3 to wild wild wet... Adrian went with us too, the kids really enjoy... than around 9pm went to lucky chinatown with Adrian.... sing... play pool... drink... prehap now our relationship are like friend that why I also enjoy my night clubbing with him... telling him so much which never happen before in the past... yesterday after a bottle of red wine... I couldn't remember wat I did... only when Adrian told me today.... I really change... really change.... I felt that I am the worst women in this world... I don know why... but my memory seem to be very bad.... very very bad.... I cannot remember wat I did... is it an excuse? or... am I trying to lie to myself? a few time I went to Stanley pub alone... buying waitress drink giving them tips.... and telling them all man suck.... whenever I went over there for a drink the waitress really treat me like VIP... I kept wondering why... only until last week... I told him his pub service was good than he tell me why.... tell me wat I did.... at first I really doubt wat he said... how could it be... I really don remember doing this type of silly thing! money is so important to me and I only talk alot during work in order to entertain my customer but usually after work I only like drinking quietly alone... than when Adrian told me wat I did yesterday night... I start to believe.... wat the fuck am I thinking? I don believe.... really don believe... do I really hate man so much? I am seeking for something... something that I don know wat I wan.... wat is it? I suddenly felt that I am the worst women in this world... the worst mother too... I never give them enough... I always thought I love them but do I really give them the best? I starting to doubt.... I am doing too much thing which I am not suppose to do.... too much too much...........