Yesterday after taking medicine I went to work, at first I thought shouldn't be a problem but after a while felt very drowsy... so I went back around 10pm... give lion and mawi a big scolding becoz lion accidentally cut his hand when cutting an apple...

Today wake up very early... it is only 5 am now... no need to go back office anymore... becoz now can work at home... starting to feel tired... restless... feeling a bit lost... wondering how come life is so dull... went into lion & B3 room... they were still sleeping... I sat beside and wonder... would they know wat is going on... I think they are too young to understand wat is happening as we are acting normally in front of them... when I think back.... I have got 3 siblings, we never know wat is a warm family... our parent are that sort that fight or quarrel almost everyday so after we slowly grown up me and my younger sis usually stay out late or even don go back... than at the age around 13... get into some kind of "trouble" so went in for 2 years... while i was inside my parent divorce so after coming out I stay with my dad and younger sis while my 2 younger bro follow my mom... my mom will still always call me and complain to me about my dad and the same thing goes to my dad too... start working at the age around 15... than get to know Adrian... and we got married... at first I thought finally I can leave that stressful life style and start everything new... but it doesn't seem the case... I was too naive... than I realise it is actually a starting of another nightmare... He doesn't come home every nite... betting on soccer... don wan to work... fooling around outside... never contribute anything to the family... bottenline watever an ass hole would do... I actually close 2 eyes on watever he did and be the part to compromise... than after he got credit card thing started to worsen... he went to Indonesia at least twice a week... and finally he was in debt due to spending too much using credit card and got himself bankrupt... after this incident he start to change... becoming better... spend time with lion... went to work everyday... but he still have the bad habbit of taking money from me... he still don financially support the family... I never have the courage to tell him I wan a divorce becoz I don wan lion & B3 to have the same childhood life like me but... since for 7 years I have been acting as a dad and mom position, why can't I do it for the rest of my life... moreover I can support them alone... which I am doing all along... I think I had did the correct decision... or... hopefully I am doing the correct thing... actually I am still a bit confuse... but one thing for sure is there is no love between us... no matter how he change...I still can't accept it... I juz can't control myself to hate him... He is not a man... neither a husband nor a dad... He always gave empty promise... sign... ??????????? I made too many wrong step... and now I am being sentence lifetime imprisonment... ai yo... wat if I take the wrong move again... now actually we agreed not to interfere each other life but he must still do his duties as a dad... so far so good... he really did spend time with them on his off day and do his personal thing at night and if our off day is together he will also follow us out... I think perhaps we are better in this type of friend relationship... I don dare to think how long can this last... but something for sure is when they are big enough to understand and see things... it will be time to let go... today seem to be too lor soh... ha ha but always felt better after flooding my blog.....................